It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
