I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
