nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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