we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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