do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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