Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
