Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
