She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
