I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
