You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
