There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
