there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
