I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
