i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
