i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
