Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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