i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
