i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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