My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
