did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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