I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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