i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
