If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
