i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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