i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
