Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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