The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
