During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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