Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
