Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
