Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
