no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
