and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
