He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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