Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
