remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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