I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
