My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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