tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
