I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
