i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
