its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
