fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
