I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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