I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
