shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
