John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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