I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
