Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
