I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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