Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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