sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
